I suck

Man, it's hard not to think like a student some days. I make a mistake and my affective filter goes way up and I'm terrified that someone will see me teaching. I don't know exactly where these feelings of panic come from. I only know that it makes my heart beat faster when the bell rings and my kids are sitting there, quietly waiting for me to begin the lesson. Okay, so that never happens. I have to orally cue them that class is ready to begin. But it does make me nervous to teach on days when I don't have a homerun lesson. This week, I've been panicked that I don't have the exact route paved for my PQA or PMS. Last week, I was pretty okay with it. The week before, I was relishing the fact that I didn't really have to have anything planned, per se.

I think it's because I'm trying to take our district French curriculum and mold it into a TPRS classroom. Writing down what they are supposed to know takes me away from the spontanaiety of good TPRS because I'm constantly trying to force words into the situations. Today, though, it worked pretty well because I took some of the action verbs that my kids need to know for stellar stories and worked it into a 3-ring circus. I skipped the verbs they already have down by heart and worked with the more difficult ones. I was also able to throw in some prepositions by asking where in the classroom they were doing these actions.

However, I'm still in a panic. I think it also has a lot to do with my terror of classroom management. It's SO hard for me to send kids out of the classroom. It's SO hard for me to pull them out of the classroom. I really need to be on top of it and stop worrying so much about teaching and focus on management first. I can't remember where I read it recently, but control of the classroom has to precede instruction. I have to remember that and take that to heart. I also read Bryce's "Alternative Activity" sheet that he gives to disruptive kids. It made me laugh and I wish we had the support in our district to do something like that, but I don't think we do. I just keep hoping I'll get the hang of it...that the good days will outnumber the bad. It's just so hard when kids see your class as the "fun" class and they try to take that and run with it. Yes, my class is fun because we get to speak French and talk about weird things. Sometimes Joey will dance under the table...but that doesn't mean that you can randomly yell out inappropriate comments about the race of a classmate. I mean...really!!